Sometimes we forget how hard it is for an employee to approach their boss to discuss a problem that’s bothering them. For many employees, the thought of “confronting” a supervisor can be so intimidating, that they will come up with many other ways to deal with the situation, including
o Passive aggressiveness
o Being a victim
o Avoidance
o Dropping subtle hints hoping the boss with get the message
o Looking for another job or even quitting!
o Anger
o Discussing the problem with their co-workers, family and friends.
Many employees would rather leave a great job instead of initiating a conversation with their manager to discuss a problem.
We have all had conversations like this before in our career:[
Employee: “I think my boss isn’t pleased with my work. He’s going to let me go”.
Co-worker: “Tell me more? What’s he upset about?”
Employee: “I don’t know, but I can tell he’s not happy with me”. He has been more critical and abrupt with me.
Co-worker: “Have you talked to him about it? How do you know it is about you?”
Employee: “No way, that is like admitting I did something wrong. Do you think I should quit before he fires me?”
Co-worker: “Why would you quit? You don’t even know what’s going on! Just go and talk to him
Employee: “Where would I even start?”
More often than not, this is how many people feel. They haven’t developed the kind of relationship with their boss where they feel comfortable talking to him/her when issues come up.
Why should you talk to your supervisor
You have got nothing to lose and everything to gain. This is when I say “Feel the fear and do it anyways.”
If you don’t do anything, the situation usually doesn’t improve and you might end up quitting or getting upset.
However, if you talk to your supervisor to discuss a problem, the chances are, one of four things will happen:
1. Your supervisor may be dealing with some other issue that has nothing to do with you, and was unaware of his/her behavior. Supervisors are human and can have personal issues and bad days just like everyone else.
2. Your supervisor may have no idea that whatever he/she was doing or not doing was having an impact on you. He/she might have been clueless. When you bring it to their attention in a respectful & constructive way, he/she can easily correct it. Unless you come across disrespectful, most supervisors welcome the opportunity to correct their behavior, or clarify their intentions.
3. Your supervisor may actually be upset with you and for some reason, has been afraid to tell you. Unfortunately, some supervisors don’t like confrontation and aren’t very good at it. In this case, you’ll at least have an opportunity to find out what the problem is that is allowing your supervisor to be unhappy with you. Once you know that, you can fix the issue.
4. You will develop more trust and connection with your supervisor. No matter if your boss is upset at you or not, you are beginning to develop trust and respect for each other as you work out issues. You are on your way to a good working relationship with your supervisor.
How to approach your supervisor
1. Make a 30 minute appointment to talk to your supervisor. Many supervisors prefer this approach over having employees drop in but it really depends on your supervisor’s style. In either case, it’s better to try to catch your supervisor during a less hectic time of day so the chances of the conversations going well will be higher.
2. Decide what you want to say and how you want to say it. I would even practice sharing your concerns with a friend or mentor and decide how to present the issue in a specific, constructive and factual way. Do not discuss it with your co-workers, your manager’s manager, or HR unless it’s a serious violation or harassment. Gossip can easily happen if everyone in the office starts knowing that you and the boss are not getting along.
3. Describe the specific behavior (not your assumptions) and the impact of the behavior on you. Example: “Bob, today when I said hi to you, you turned your head and walked right by me without saying anything. In the past, you used to always say hi when we see each other, but lately you haven’t been. I’m wondering if you’re mad at me for something. Is there something I’ve done to upset you?”
4. Don’t be defensive, really listen and ask clarifying questions. Many times it isn’t really a problem and your supervisor wasn’t aware of the impact of his/her behavior. If there really is a problem, and the problem is you, then you are on the road to resolving it.
5. Work with you supervisor to resolve the problem. Offer your own suggestions, and ask your supervisor for ideas. Ask your supervisor to describe what it would look like when you are meeting expectations of the job.
6. Thank your manager for his/her time and willingness to discuss the issue with you. I would also set up a 15 minute follow-up meeting the following week to check in and make sure things are back on track.
I hope this gives employees the confidence to talk with their managers – or maybe even their parents, spouses, teachers, or loved ones! Good luck!
